


home (is wherever i'm with you)

by maurawrites



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Christopher Diaz is a National Treasure, Coda, Episode: s04e05 Buck Begins, Established Relationship, Fix-It of Sorts, Insecure Evan "Buck" Buckley, M/M, POV Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), POV Evan "Buck" Buckley, Secret Relationship, Soft Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Soft Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, no beta we die like buck almost has too many fucking times, this is legit just post buck begins if buddie was cannon ok thanks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-18 20:02:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29495496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maurawrites/pseuds/maurawrites
Summary: Even after their talk, Maddie couldn’t help but be worried about Buck. Their night had ended on a positive note, going through all his postcards and being able to laugh at his aimlessness, now that he had found his true calling.  But still, she worried.  Going back to the darkened and lonely loft, mind heavy with all this new information, still to be processed.But she didn’t need to be worried.  He wasn’t going back to the loft.  He was going home.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Christopher Diaz & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley & Christopher Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley & Evan "Buck" Buckley's Parents, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Maddie Buckley, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 311
Collections: 9-1-1 Tales





	1. Chapter 1

Perhaps Eddie was being a bit too obvious as he stood in wait under the open garage door that he knew Bobby would park next to. Buck had seemed fine, physically at least, as they left the warehouse fire, but Eddie had never been a positive thinker. And with his boyfriend being someone who seemed to attract injuries and health issues like a moth to a flame, Eddie found himself pacing the concrete floor in nervousness. If they hadn’t pulled up when they did, he was sure he’d eventually start wearing a path on the hard surface.

“Clean bill of health from the docs!” Bobby called out cheerfully as he and Buck stepped out from the alleyway and into the station.

“Glad to hear it,” Eddie responded, beaming. He stuffed his hands in his pockets when all he really wanted to do was to reach out, touch Buck with his own two hands, assure himself that he was there, and he was  _ safe _ . It had become a ritual of sorts, whenever there was too close of a call, lying in bed and running their fingers over each other, over every inch of skin they could find to assuage their fears and make sure nothing was missed. But upon his own insistence that they keep their relationship a secret at work, he couldn’t. And he wanted to kick himself for it. His fingers ached with the desire to do so. 

Still, Bobby left them alone. He might not know of their relationship, but he knew they were close enough that they’d probably want a few moments to themselves. To debrief, or whatever.

“Show off,” Eddie commented, both proud and fearful of the penchant the man he loved had for refusing to leave a man behind, no matter the danger. He worried that Buck’s insistence that his life meant less than others would take him away from Eddie, from Christopher...From the family they had been creating together. But as he saw the guilt that filled those crystalline eyes of his, realizing what he could have lost if it hadn’t gone as it had, Eddie began to worry less. Maybe Buck was finally realizing what he had to live for. 

“I had to do it.”

“I know you did,” Eddie assured, pausing as he was unsure how his next words would be taken. “You’ve got visitors.”

He watched Buck’s eyes widen and panic begin to set in when he must’ve realized exactly who the visitors were. Whether he simply inferred or could hear their chatting to his coworkers, Eddie wasn’t sure. But as he began to head towards the stairs, Eddie couldn’t help himself and grabbed his wrist, “Come over...After?” he asked softly, his thumb unconsciously running soft circles over the flesh on the inside of Buck’s wrist, right over his pulse point. 

Buck swallowed and nodded, his eyes flicking back up to where his parents were sitting. “Yeah, yeah that’d be good.” 

~*~*~

Even after their talk, Maddie couldn’t help but be worried about Buck. Despite his insistence that he had forgiven their parents and her for keeping the secret, and even seeming fine enough to ask about Daniel, she worried. Their night had ended on a positive note, going through all his postcards and being able to laugh at his aimlessness, now that he had found his true calling. But still, she  _ worried _ . Going back to the darkened and lonely loft, mind heavy with all this new information, still to be processed.

But she didn’t need to be worried. He wasn’t going back to the loft. He was going  _ home _ .

~*~*~

The headlights of the jeep flicked off as he took the key out of the ignition and Buck was left sitting in the dark driveway of the Diaz house. He couldn’t bring himself to go in quite yet, despite how the warm light spilling from the windows seemed to call to him.

His mind was spinning as he processed everything that had happened in the past few days. Chim’s words of not being able to run from it all ringing in his ears. That wise bastard was right. As he sat there,  _ still _ , no longer running, it all seemed to catch up with him. He grew colder and heavier as he thought about it all. 

Sure, he said he had forgiven everyone, but that didn’t stop the hurt, or the confusion, or the realizations that seemed to be hitting him at 100 miles an hour. Things he had overheard his parents say when he was a child now having much more meaning or making sense when at the time it hadn’t made any. 

_ ‘We live with the reminder every day, staring us in the face, isn’t that enough for you?’ _

Buck had never felt wanted in his own house, had always felt like a ghost wandering the halls, his parents looking right through him, only made real and tangible when he had a cast on his arm or cuts on his face. 

And now he knew that he wasn’t the ghost that was haunting his parents, but he sure as hell looked a lot like the one that was. 

The knowledge that he hadn’t been wanted and had only been given life to save another’s (which he failed at) was heavy, but he figured he’d just add it to the pile. Another example of how he wasn’t wanted. Abby, Ali, his parents, countless friends he had made and lost when they all decided he was simultaneously too much and not enough.

As he sat in the jeep, alone, in the dark forgetting that he was parked in the driveway of people who very much  _ wanted  _ him, it was easy for these thoughts to start to feel corporeal and palpable, as if he could reach out and touch them to prove their realness, their rightness. Their weight anchored in his chest, dragging him  _ down, down, down _ into the swirling depths of darkness. It felt like he was in the tsunami all over again, unable to surface, being batted down every time he tried. His lungs burned with the exertion, his eyesight growing dim around the edges as he began to lose focus on the things around him, tunneling until it felt like he could barely see anything at all but the dashboard controls of the jeep.

But then, light was flooding from the open door of the Diaz house and across the driveway, across the hood of his jeep.

“Bucky?” Christopher’s voice rang through the dark, his confusion on why Buck hadn’t come in yet clear on his face. 

And just like that, the dark edges on his vision were gone, and his world opened up again. He knew it would take probably years and endless sessions with Dr. Copeland to sort through the mess his parents had left him with. But for now, as Buck looked upon Eddie standing behind his son in the doorway, a halo of soft yellow light surrounding them, waiting for Buck to join them, he knew at least one place he would always be wanted.


	2. Chapter 2

Buck wasn’t sure whether Eddie had told Christopher he had had a rough day, or if Christopher in his endless intuition had just known, but either way, it was obvious he was set on making Buck feel better. He had barely made it through the door before Chris was excitedly letting him know that he had queued up his favorite marvel movie (Thor: Ragnarok), convinced his dad to order from that taco place that Eddie always complained took too long to deliver and made sure that Eddie got him an extra thing of salsa because they knew he liked to use it the next day on his breakfast. 

“You can’t be sad while eating tacos, _ right Buck? _ ” Christopher questioned, using words Buck had once told him after a particularly bad day at school. 

“That’s right, Superman, thanks for reminding me.” Sure, he was still sad, but the smile on his face as he spoke to Christopher was genuine. It was hard to be anything  _ but _ happy when he hit you with one of those mega-watt grins. 

As if he knew Buck needed the distraction, as they waited for their food, he regaled Buck with stories from the past week at school, giving him all the gossip he had missed while Buck had been busy with his parents in town. His classmate Pete had fallen at recess and knocked out his two front teeth. Sarah (who Buck thought Chris might have a crush on) had shared part of her sandwich with him when his had gotten crushed before lunch. And Rebecca’s mom had caught Eddie at pickup _ again _ and wouldn’t let them go home. 

Eddie, who had been puttering around the kitchen while Buck and Christopher talked, snorted at the last one, and Buck couldn’t help but catch his eye and smile in return. Buck had joked previously that he was fine with keeping their relationship a secret at work, but was about to draw the line at Christopher’s school, just so all the moms would stop hitting on Eddie. 

They continued to chat until the food arrived, and kept on as they sat at the table to eat. Eddie stayed fairly quiet and Buck knew he was just letting Chris work his magic. At which he was quite successful. As the conversation devolved into facts about rocks, which then turned into fossils and eventually took a left turn into a very impassioned debate on ‘what modern animal could defeat a dinosaur’ in which there were many strange matchups. 

No one was surprised that Chris was asleep halfway through the movie, tucked between Buck and Eddie, head tilted to the side and glasses askew. But it had taken them a few minutes to notice, as they had long past stopped paying attention to the movie, both with an arm over the back of the couch, reaching out to the other. 

Eddie got his attention with a tap on his shoulder, eyebrows raised at Buck, and without saying a word he knew what was being asked of him.  _ How had the discussion gone? _ _ Was he okay? Was he coping? _ He couldn’t say yes truthfully, so he gave Eddie a shrug and non-committal nod. 

He went to turn back to the movie, knowing he wouldn’t actually be watching it as his mind traveled far and wide, and he assumed Eddie would do the same, but he didn’t. And with the feeling of eyes that belonged to someone who knew him better than he knew himself at times unrelentingly trained on him, Buck’s haphazardly thrown-together facade began to crumble. 

He felt weak for the way his lip trembled, how the corners of his mouth downturned without his permission, and the tears pricked at the inner corner of his eyes. He had hoped by assuring everyone (and himself) that he had forgiven his parents would be a quick way to put this all behind him so he wouldn’t have to feel it, but as his head bowed under the weight of Eddie’s stare he knew that wasn’t the case.

Without saying a word, Eddie lifted himself from the couch and began to wake Christopher to ready him for bed, leaving Buck alone to fret over exactly how he could explain what was going on inside his head when Eddie returned and inevitably asked him. 

To busy himself, Buck began to clean up the kitchen from their meal and dessert, hands nervously flitting from one task to the next. He hadn’t even realized Eddie must’ve finished putting Chris to bed until his hands were gripped by his own and he was forced to hold still. 

Buck looked up from his task into his partner’s eyes, the brown dark and deep enough that it felt like he could drown in them, and for a moment that’s all Buck wanted. To be swallowed by the warmth he found there, to wrap himself in it so he didn’t have to feel so damn cold and empty and hollow, let it fill him and bring him back.

He fell back against the counter, leaning against it enough so that he and Eddie were level with each other, Buck’s few inches over him lost. “You’re going to be okay,” Eddie stated, with such soft authority in his voice that Buck almost believed it.

He wanted to nod, to accept it as fact, and move on from the conversation, let himself be distracted by whatever else Eddie had up his sleeve now that Christopher was asleep. But instead, he couldn’t help but reply.

“How do you know?” his voice cracked on the last word, and the emotions he had spent the last twenty minutes shoving down and packing away sprung back out, apparently the box he had been putting them in was a jack-in-the-box. He wiped furiously at his eyes, hating that he was letting it all affect him like this. Sure, it was all fucked up, but it wasn’t like they had abused him. It wasn’t as if they had kicked him out or left him on the streets. He had been cared for in all the ways that mattered, right? They had given him shelter and food and clothes. He hadn’t wanted for any material thing. 

His eyes had been downturned so he hadn’t seen it coming, but fairly soon after he felt Eddie anchor a hand on either side of his face and butterfly-light kisses dance across his eyelids, nose, and cheeks.

“Because I said so,” he responded with a soft, teasing smile, one that Buck couldn’t help but tearfully return as Eddie’s hands turned Buck’s face to look at him. “And because you’re more than your family. They made you walk through life feeling empty, and yet here you are, living a full, happy life that _ you _ made for  _ yourself _ .” He paused, and as those brown eyes pierced Buck’s blue ones, he knew he was reading his mind. Even before Buck had found that he loved the feeling of his best friend’s lips against his own or the touch of his fingers in places normally covered by uniform, they had been able to do that. Always able to work in tandem without speaking, hand each other a tool before the other asked, knowing what the other was about to do without being told. “--And because you’re loved, and you’re  _ wanted _ . And we’ll always try our best to make sure you know that.” 

“God damnit,” he swore, chuckling tearfully, “Now you’ve really done it,” he warned as the tears began to roll down his cheeks silently. He was still sad, he was still hurt, but each tear that fell carried the truth that Eddie had spoken with them, bathing him in it. He knew Eddie was right. The 118 (at this point Maddie and Athena were honorary members), despite how things had gone in the past, were the people who would never leave him. They had all found each other, and even as they changed and their own personal families and relationships grew, if it was apart it was only like branches of the same tree, reaching for the sun, but still being nourished by the same system of roots. 

“Not to mention, if you’re not alright Christopher is going to insist on tacos and Thor every night of the week, and I don’t know about you but I think I’m about one more watch away from needing to take a break from the big guy.” 

Buck couldn’t help but laugh at that, his forehead hitting Eddie’s chest and staying there. They were his people, and he knew that Eddie would go through a thousand taco and Thor nights if that was the thing that’d make Buck feel better. Just like he had known that what Buck had needed tonight was some prime Christopher time, some comfort items, and eventually his arms wrapped around him.

“Thank you.” he whispered, lifting his head before wrapping his arms around Eddie in a tight hug “For tonight. I needed this.” the words were murmured into his shoulder, but he knew they had been heard.

“You don’t need to say thank you. We’re family. This is what we do for each other.”

Buck couldn’t help but think of the words he had overheard Eddie say last Christmas,

_ ‘You got the family you’re born into and the one you choose. Well, that’s what the 118 is, the family we chose.’ _

In his mind, he had found the 118 but had chosen Eddie and Christopher. And nights like tonight reminded him that they had chosen him right back. 

**Author's Note:**

> come scream with me on tumblr @maurawrites! ~hit me with them sweet sweet buddie prompts~


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